Lullaby

Today was hard. It was a long day of driving in snow for four hours, three doctor appointments, four tantrums, many tears, and a partridge in a pear tree. Anna and I took you to Nashville for your three appointments and it was exhausting to say the least. On the way there you were angry at me for leaving your Pete the Cat books for Eli to read (at Nana's) . That hour was full of tears and "I don't like you, Mama(s)",. You actually said to me "I am so mad at you, I want you to sleep in the bathtub with no blanket tonight"!!!! You followed it with "and I want you to go to the doctor and get a big, long shot"!!!!!!    I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than the bathtub bit after the day we had! I held in the laughter and just kept saying "Joy, that's not kind, but I understand you're angry and I love you to the moon and back".  You followed that with "no moon, no stars, no love". It hurts. It hurts when you get angry and don't realize that no matter what you say to me, I will still love you and you may not fully get that. I think our Father feels that way, too, when we ignore him, curse Him and distance ourself from Him. You will learn with gentle reminders and unconditional love. 

Our Father reminds us that way, too. 

You're still learning how to process your feelings of love and the love that has been shown to you. On the way home from the hospital tonight, you said from the backseat, "Mama, please sing let it go and tomorrow". So, we sang...together. We sang and sang those two songs then you asked for surprises. I started to sing and then asked how you liked it.  After one special song, I realized that I had just sang you to sleep for the first time. On a snowy interstate, with whizzing trucks and strong winds.... I sang you to sleep. . It was the first time you've allowed any kind of comfort to fall asleep. Usually, you say "mama, just go to sleep"... And I giggle,  yet yearn for the chance to comfort my baby. I cried the rest of the way home, looking at you in my backseat, sleeping so soundly. It's such a dream for you to be home; playing with your sweet siblings, hugging your daddy and taking out everything on poor mama. Haha   At each doctor visit, we seem to find big  small miracles that make us realize that you were meant for us after your parents couldn't care for you. Your whole life is a miracle - we keep praying you give Him the glory someday. 

Here is the song that put you to sleep : 

I pray that words are sinking into your heart one word at a time, Joy. We love you!!!  

                     I love you,

                                   Mama