Lullaby

Today was hard. It was a long day of driving in snow for four hours, three doctor appointments, four tantrums, many tears, and a partridge in a pear tree. Anna and I took you to Nashville for your three appointments and it was exhausting to say the least. On the way there you were angry at me for leaving your Pete the Cat books for Eli to read (at Nana's) . That hour was full of tears and "I don't like you, Mama(s)",. You actually said to me "I am so mad at you, I want you to sleep in the bathtub with no blanket tonight"!!!! You followed it with "and I want you to go to the doctor and get a big, long shot"!!!!!!    I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than the bathtub bit after the day we had! I held in the laughter and just kept saying "Joy, that's not kind, but I understand you're angry and I love you to the moon and back".  You followed that with "no moon, no stars, no love". It hurts. It hurts when you get angry and don't realize that no matter what you say to me, I will still love you and you may not fully get that. I think our Father feels that way, too, when we ignore him, curse Him and distance ourself from Him. You will learn with gentle reminders and unconditional love. 

Our Father reminds us that way, too. 

You're still learning how to process your feelings of love and the love that has been shown to you. On the way home from the hospital tonight, you said from the backseat, "Mama, please sing let it go and tomorrow". So, we sang...together. We sang and sang those two songs then you asked for surprises. I started to sing and then asked how you liked it.  After one special song, I realized that I had just sang you to sleep for the first time. On a snowy interstate, with whizzing trucks and strong winds.... I sang you to sleep. . It was the first time you've allowed any kind of comfort to fall asleep. Usually, you say "mama, just go to sleep"... And I giggle,  yet yearn for the chance to comfort my baby. I cried the rest of the way home, looking at you in my backseat, sleeping so soundly. It's such a dream for you to be home; playing with your sweet siblings, hugging your daddy and taking out everything on poor mama. Haha   At each doctor visit, we seem to find big  small miracles that make us realize that you were meant for us after your parents couldn't care for you. Your whole life is a miracle - we keep praying you give Him the glory someday. 

Here is the song that put you to sleep : 

I pray that words are sinking into your heart one word at a time, Joy. We love you!!!  

                     I love you,

                                   Mama

Down in my heart... To STAY

Tonight I got you out of the bath and blow dried your hair. When we were finished you stays in to play with your "soft hair" (you love a good condition). I heard you as I was folding laundry singing "I've got the joy, joy,joy,joy down in my heart.Where!? Down in my heart WHERE!? Down in my heart. I have the joy,joy,joy,joy, down in my heart. Down in my heart to stay.  Then went on to the next verse. I have the love of Jesus, love of Jesus, don in my heart. WHERE!? ... And so on.  

The last verse was to the tune of the same song, but the words were changed. 

I love my Baba and Mama, I'm so happy,  

I'm so happy,  I'm so happy. I love my brothers and my sisters and my family. I am so happy. 

It brought some serious tears. You are learning how to express your love, one day at a time.  We are so happy, too, Joy! You bring Joy in our heart that comes from Jesus. We are so grateful for you. 

No hands But ours

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2016/01/11/saying-yes-beautiful-mess/

This is my recent article on "No hands but ours".  So happy we said "yes", Joy!

The Christmas Season

Since getting out of the hospital Nov 30th, we have come home with two drains draining your bile. We have changed them every four hours around the clock. You are wearing down and sick of them, but handle it with such grace. We hide them under your clothes and not many people realize. Makes me think about how we should extend grace to those everywhere. We don't know what is "underneath" it all. We need to be more mindful of that. 

You are thoroughly confused about Christmas. You told me your first Chrsitmas was last year at your foster group home, where they had a small Christmas tree. 

All those little souls celebrating Jesus' birth takes my breath away. 

This Christmas may be your second one, but there are tons of firsts! You are blown away by wrapped presents under the tree. It is so weird to you. You occasionally walk by and say "what in the world"? You cannot understand this concept. I thought I would let everyone pick out a fun print of wrapping paper to have each child's gifts wrapped in. You chose The Little Mermaid. The kids love to help me wrap the other's gifts. You were not any different, except you wanted to wrap your own. You didn't want to peek, you just wanted to wrap with that Little Mermaid wrapping paper! So, what did I do? We stuck you gift in the paper while you closed your eyes. Put a piece of tape to hold it down and then you were good. You wrapped all your own presents! Haha 

Christmas cookies were fun! Each child made a perfect little Christmas-shaped cookie. We had some mittens, a gingerbread house, gingerbread men, etc. I look over to find you making a perfect Chinese fumpling with your hands, shaping it just the way authentic Jiao Zi would look. I said with a giggle, "Joy!!!! Great Jiao Zi"! You looked at me like I was crazy and said "it's a taco"! Hahahahahah.  Nothing says "America" like "tacos" - for real!!!!!! Hahaha

You love Christmas lights and singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. You love singing Christmas carols even though you make your own lyrics at times!

To the tune of Jingle Bells.... 

"Taco Bell, Taco Bell, taa- a - aaa- co Bell"! Sigh! You love tacos, what can I say.

You sang in your first ever Christmas program at The Dixie Carter Performing Arts Center. 

Your big brother is with you in choir. Also, your beloved cousin, Claudia and friend, Celia. You are making friends well. Who couldn't love you, Joy?  You walked out on stage without your normal confidence.   You held Claudia's hand during the performance. What sweet friends you have!  We talked about healthy friendships today at school and you mentioned your friends from church. They are very treasured by you. Sara always wants to sit with you (and you te same) and Izzy prays for you daily. We are blessed, Joy. 

You love to help me cook. ... Like every single meal. You told me you didn't get to do that in China. So, we cook... A lot. After I cooked oatmeal for breakfast, salads and spaghetti for lunch and roasted Brussell sprouts, mashed potatoes, meatballs, and peas for dinner, you said Baba was the better cook. "Seriously, Joy"? "When has your Baba Ever  cooked? You said "He makes the best chicken nuggets. They're reeeeeeeeally so good".  My one eyebrow went up to my hairline and my eyes pierced through your body. Hahaha. You cut me no slack and your Daddy tons. What can I say..... baba's girl!

          Merry Christmas, Joy!

                   ️Mommy 

CHECK!!!!!

Today was a day I had dreaded for eleven weeks. Dreaded. Worried if I would make it through the day and how.  When your surgeon met us while inpatient in September, he told us everything we needed to know abut your liver surgery. He also told us about the prep we would have to do for surgery. 

The purge. The cleanse. The day that I pictured myself burrying myself under pillows and hiding. 

We are better than that! 

The day started with oatmeal..... Lots and lots of oatmeal. We had a Thanksgiving program that we performed. It was perfection. We made our costumes and you four were cute little Indians.

We left and had to drink the magnesium citrate. Everyone said " she'll never drink that nasty stuff". Well, my dear, you are not "everyone". You turned it up and drank it like the strong girl you are! 

Well, step one... Check!

Next step is to make the appearance of Sprite the biggest event of the year! That was a success since we don't buy sodas. CHECK!

Then we made popscicles out of apple juice. I often make creative Yogart and juice popscicles for breakfasts and snacks, but never tried plain apple juice. Big hit! CHECK!

Next was THE moment. The moment of true hunger at 3pm. I staggered to the kitchen with knots in my shoulders. It was time. Time to make broth the event of the century. I brought out your favorite bowl and we called it "Chinese soup". Chicken broth with a hint of beef broth. I held my breath as I presented it to you. 

What happened next was only God Himself. 

*************SQUEAL***********!!!!!!!!!

"Mama, this is my FAVORITE"! 

Ummmm, ok. So, it was gone after two minutes and your belly was full after an apple juice popscicle! Well well, no hiding under pillows for me!

So around 5 as I was in between piano students for a minute, I whipped up another bowl for you by request. Then, at dinner, you cried. HARD. You were done with "Chinese soup". " Fun while it lasted ", I thought. After you melted down, we all sat at the table with our yummy dinner and let you work it out in your own way. About two minutes later, here you come. Spoon in hand you were ready to defeat this beast. You downed it and was too full for a popscicle again! It was a successful day that the Lord taught me a huge lesson in. Don't worry about to tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.   Prepare and let it go! Speaking of "let it go", I decided to pack "Frozen" for the hospital. Nothing perks you up like Frozen at the moment... So...

Tomorrow is full of good things. The knife is just part of the day, but you will have a healthy liver and  bile duct! You will be the coolest bionic woman ever!   

Love, ️Mommy

P.S. Your Christmas wish has a post coming! You finally told us what you wanted more than anything! 😳

You're the BEST Christmas gift.

Rewind to last Christmas. I was mopey and sad. I felt guilty about that, but yearned to have you home. It hurt with every step I took and every breath I breathed. Half of my heart was in China. 

THIS year is full of such joy! We decorated the tree tonight and are decking the halls!

I wanted to really focus on Thanksgiving more and not confuse you, but because in a week we head to the hospital, we are preparing our home. You have loved learning about Thanksgiving and Veteran's Day for the last two weeks. We have learned all about the holidays and what they mean. You love your little American flag! You are one proud American! Our court house lawn on the square is full of little flags stuck in the ground for Veteran's Day. You squeal as we drive around the square in awe of all the waving red, white and blue. You told me yesterday, "My home, America, is awesome"! Tonight as we decorated the tree, you hung each ornament with such care and made sure it was in the perfect place. 

You also found lots of ornaments that said "joy". I tried to teach you that joy means happiness and Only God can bring us true Joy. It's slowly sinking in.

You have been making leaps and bounds the last couple of weeks with attachment. Usually as I bend down to kiss you, you quickly duck your head. I don't take it personal because I know you've not gotten many, if any, kisses in a very long time. You had trouble understanding our love for you. Now, we are making HUGE strides. As I bend down to kiss you, most of the time you reach up with puckered lips. It makes my heart leap! Last night as we were reading and cuddling at bedtime, you were extra loving. I asked you if I was a good mama. You replied "yes! You are a good mama"! I asked "why? What makes me a good mama?" You said "because your heart". Today, you said "mama, you're a good mama because your heart makes my heart good and happy". You're getting it. Trust is blossoming in ways that only God could grow it. What would we have done without you, Joy Jiao???

                  With love,

                          ️Mommy 

Matthew 5:14

I counted the blankets neatly laid on your bed tonight. There are nine layers, neatly spread atop the quilt that I had initially put on your bed. Many churches have made prayer shawls for you and graciously delivered. Every single one is on your  bed. A blanket that my brother and his wife gifted to you while you were at Vanderbilt is on there. All your special blankets are displayed, not thrown in a closet to be hidden. As we are studying Matthew in school, our verse today was From Matthew 5:14. 

We are to be a shining example of Christ each day and boldly tell of  His love. You are displaying your prized possessions to enjoy looking at them and for others to see the beauty. God does the same thing for us. He made us in His image  and wants others to see the beauty that shines from within us - the reflection of His  love poured upon others. We aren't to be hidden. We are to be a city on a hill shining brightly for all to see. Keep shining, sweet girl. You'll always be my sunshine. The first time I heard about your personality from your foster family they described you as "always being sunshine". Never let your boldness slip through your fingers. 

                                      Shine on, 

                                     ️Mommy