18 months

I woke up this morning to a sweet little body curled up next to me. Every night around three in the morning, we hear tiny little footsteps running to our bed. Every single night is the same; you run to my side of the bed and lay your cheek on mine and say "May I, Mommy?" My answer is always the same - "always!"
So your cold, little feet come reaching over to tightly snuggle in the middle.

It is your happy place.

Snuggled between our bodies and right inside our hearts, is your happy place.

You love us BIG and we love you bigger. You're in a healthier spot than what I would've ever dreamed for you. You know you're ours and trust us fiercely. Last night you were my grocery store companion. You eagerly spent your one dollar on choosing a candy. I never leave your side, but needed something quickly two isles over while you decided between gummy bears and gum. I told you to be deciding while I grabbed something. As soon as the words left my tongue, I became sick with grief. What if for a second, it sparked a memory for you. You quickly deciding the gum or bears wasn't for you and you would choose "Bean boozled" jelly beans and ran to find me yelling in the store with disappearing eyes "Mama!" When I raced around the corner, you hugged me and said "don't worry, Mama, I knew you were here." You precious, precious soul; my sweet, little friend. I love you more than words can ever say.

Your favorite pastime at the moment is playing board games. We have been playing them each night and one night after a dinner-time grocery run, we decided to all eat sandwiches and you choose noodles.. and we are on the couch! It was such a fun thrill for you. The spontaneous decision and unlikely one made you smile from ear to ear. You love a simple surprise!

Your favorite restaurant is "Panda Chinese", also known as Panda Express. (I think it is the fortune cookie). We went here today, just you and me, baby girl.

You love to wear your warm boots and tons of layers. You can take the girl out of China, but can't take the China out of the girl! You want to someday be a heart surgeon, but something tells me that you will be the quirky doctor with layers and funky fuzzy socks.

You love when I make Chinese noodle stir-fry and jiaoze. The Asian market makes you squeal like nothing I've ever heard!

Your favorite name to be called is your full name, because you're so proud we chose a name for you with love. Hearing your surname that belongs to all of us is almost more than you can bear.
You and Eli fight and nag more than Ricky and Lucy, but there is a bond there that I can only describe as a "twin bond". It didn't come quickly or easily by any stretch of the imagination, but because of Eli''s perserversnce and strong love, he pushed through that barrier and MADE you love him! You two are like peas and carrots.
Your favorite color was blue.. until today; now it is yellow because it "reminds you of sunshine." You remind me of sunshine, Joy!!!! You dream of us adopting more children. You know their hearts and how they long for a family, just as you did. You beg me to help their families find them. What a difference you are making in this world, Joy! We love you and are so happy to celebrate 18 months together as a family. We talked about today and what it meant and I asked you to describe adoption in one word. Your word was "awesome"! This was the picture of you waiting for us the day we would have you forever!

I'm so happy with forever, Joy!!!!!

Today, you asked what the message on your shirt meant. When I explained it, you said " this message is so special." You liked the shirt and decided to take some photos of it while waiting at the doctor.

Mommy!

Run home

Sitting in a bath full of suds and looking up at me with the most adorning look as I wash you made me utter the words under my breath "we could've missed this." You're ours - forever. Thank you, God!

Today,  I revel in something so special.

Most people only see your silly, sarcastic, fun side. Your family gets to see many other sides.  Today while I was bathing you, I got to see my favorite side; the transparency.

As I scrubbed your hair, we talked about family, as we do a lot, to practice good connective parenting. As I rinsed your hair with a cup, I said "oooh, a rainstorm! You are  running and it is soaking your hair, clothes and skin! Where are you running?"   I just knew you  would say "SkyZone, the Zoo or some place alike."  Instead, you said with eyes closed, looking upward, "HOME!"
It took a lot of time for you to speak with such walls down. What an HONOR it is for you to want to run into our arms, instead of away. As much time as we spend at the house, it's still your favorite.  We are so happy that you love us so. When everyone was tucked in tonight, we snuck you back to the living room to spend some extra minutes alone with us (we do this with the others too, but no one knows when this happens). You got my favorite blanket and chose me to snuggle with. You looked up at me and said "thank you for adopting me, Mama."  So many people told us that children aren't thankful to be adopted. We know we would choose you a thousand times and can't imagine not having you, but I do wish your life would've been different and you wouldn't have had the trauma or abandonment and adoption. I wish that because that's what love wishes. But, you proved all those people wrong. You are thankful. We are so happy you are with us. You are praying at dinner now more often. Two nights ago your prayer was this :

"Dear Lord,
Thank you for our food,  our family, our freedom and that we can homeschool. Thank you for my sister, Evie. Please watch over her and bring her home. Please be with my other sister and brothers and mama and daddy. Help me to make right choices. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen. "

What wisdom you have and such bravery. We just recovered after your urinary surgery. You had a c-section cut and a drain coming out of each end of the incision. You had a penrose drain and a Foley as well. Rough surgery, but you took it like a champ. The doctors and nurses are always amazed.  Nurse Jessica fell in love with you. You talk about wanting to be a doctor almost daily. After her hearing that you watch real surgeries on YouTube, she gifted you her real stethoscope!!!! You wore it tonight to perform a miraculous, life-saving surgery while in your white medical coat and white surgical gear.

Thank you for being you, Joy. Thank you for your silliness, sarcasm, wit, wisdom, tenderness and occasional transparency.

Home, even in your dreams, you want to run home. We couldn't be more blessed with you in our lives... all of us.

A new life, a new heart

Joy, today marks a year that something amazing happened. So many incredible things led up to this point. We got you home in June and your first cardiology appointment was August 1. We got the shock of a lifetime that your aorta wasn't just a coarctation that looked like a narrowing vessel.... Your aorta was totally missing a one inch section.

 A ghost aorta.

Gone.

As we stared at those MRI images, I went dizzy and so did your Dad. How on earth did you sustain life with an aorta that wasn't attached? Your tiny body was born with congenital heart disease. You had a narrowing section of your aorta since you were perfectly created in your birth mother's womb. You were the 1 out of  the 110 that are born with CHD. Most newborns have open heart surgery as soon as they are born with a coarc. You didn't have that luxury. Most babies wouldn't live long at all without this immediate surgery. I like to think that God knew exactly how tough you were. As years went on, your sweet body made collateral veins to carry blood around the narrowed section. Your aorta was dying. Slowly dying and disappearing was the vessel that held life in its hands. Your blood pressure was 195/140 - stroke level by far. We learned that we got you home just in time. In a couple of months, if not surgically treated, likely your caregivers would've opened a bedroom doors early one morning and found you lifeless.

You were a picture of health on the outside. No one knew your heart was sick by looking at your outward appearance.

But the Lord said to Samuel, " Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

The Lord really looked at your heart for years. He watched and protected you all of your days.
Your heart is so beautiful, so forgiving, so graceful. Your heart is kind, and loving, and FUNNY. Your heart is strong and brave, fiercely protective, caring of others and bold.

People can be deceiving. People can lie, manipulate, and harbor many negative attributes. Those people can be beautiful outwardly, but ultimately, The Lord sees the heart. The core of us. The important part of us, our souls, our beliefs, our love for Him. All those things can be hidden in your heart, but Joy.... Your beauty radiates from your heart right out of you brown eyes and beautiful smile. Your love of the Lord shows. You're  on fire. Your dedicated to learning about Him, as you would choose me reading a Bible story over anything else.

You are so beautiful.

Your scars are beautiful.

Your pain is beautiful, because from ashes He brings beautiful healing.

You are you - simply beautiful because your heart is.

So. As I gently finger your scar today, I am reminded of September 8, 2015; a day of hope, a day of healing and a day of miracles. May we all see our scars as beauty from the ashes as you do, Joy.

Time to read!

School started back last week and you are a different student this year! You are on FIRE to learn. You've learned so much English, that you're ready to READ. So thrilled for you. Your words you are learning are I, A, the, pop, can, am, look and we. You are doing fantastic sitting still, too. What a difference a year makes. 

I am so proud of you and your ambition! 

We had a little fun with our first day of school. We found some pink spray from Halloween that I bought for a quarter on clearance and thought we could use it (and other colors) for some fun! We sprayed a pink strip in your hair (it washes out) and you had a blast with that ! 

We also got you a hair trim after this photo. It looks so much thicker and pretty. You found a shower cap and proceeded to wear it after your trim. Your desire is to have LONNNG hair. You put the cap on yo "protest my hair and to keep it healthy from dead ends." You eat dinner in this shower cap, play in it and SLEEP in it. You also sneak to our bed at 3 am and when you toss, all I hear is crinkles. 

You do take it off to leave the house - praise the Lord!  You are your own person. That's for sure. I have told you a zillion times that the cap isn't necessary and explained why, but you think this will help it to not have to be trimmed and to grow faster- whatever Joy! Lol

You are healing nicely from your bone graft. A sliver of bone worked its way out of your mouth yesterday. That was a shocker.  We are heading back Wednesday for a check up. Your hip looks awesome. Such a rockstar you are! 

You took these photos as I drove to show me the sliver of bone working its way out. You can see the stitches in the back palate and stitches everywhere in the front. Many at elsewhere that you can't see from this photo. If you could've seen your mouth after surgery, you wouldn't believe this was three weeks ago! You're amazing! You know that braces are next (January) and you're so pumped. Mommy, however, is NOT. :-(   We drive 2.5 hours to the orthodontist, but with every trip I drive, I pray a prayer of Thanksgiving that I have the ability to send you to the beat dentist and orthodontist for cleft patients (and non-cleft affected patients!!!). So, when your birth family didn't have these opportunities, I'm reminded in my weariness. How grateful I am.

You teach us so much, Joy... So, so much. 

          I love you always, 

                 Mommy  

Mama/Baba to Mommy/Daddy

It seems that this week "Baba" has moved to "Daddy". So precious, but either way it is. It just seems so sweet to hear because it's new. I seem to be becoming "Mommy" instead of "Mama" also. It's like you are flying through developmental milestones that you needed to go through with us. Like getting a toy kitchen last Christmas - It was the best thing ever to you and then last week we passed it on to another adoptive family to enjoy. We are going through some tough times with taking two steps forward and one back with attachment, but it's a process. It will take time. Our love came instantly and yours is growing. Each time I hear "mommy", I smile - BIG. I will admit the ONLY time I grimace at the word is when you're in the bathroom. I don't do well sitting on the side of the bathtub for 30 minutes, but info love our conversations, so it balances out. You love to have me talk to you while you're bored for so long. Haha!!!   You've recently really taken to working in the kitchen with me. I taught you how to use a knife to cut up the cucumbers and potatoes for supper last night. You loved helping Anna and I. It really did help me to get singer on the table more quickly! Also, something else that's been changing - you and Eli bicker SO MUCH, but I walk you through apologizing and forgiving, so that's a good lesson as well. In the last three weeks, you haven't bathed or showered alone. Eli puts on his swimming trunks and you will put on your swimming bottoms and in you both go! You both love each other and are best friends, but oh my goodness it's been a lot of bickering.  Sometimes even when I hear it, I just giggle - siblings through and through!!!!  We have also been trying to work on realizing what is pretend and what is real. You saw a dinosaur on a movie and it scared you to death. We explained they were extinct and you said "that's not true"!!!!!! You were terrified and slept with us that night - right under my ribs. :-). We are gearing up for your next surgery (and hopefully the last one until you're a teen). They will be taking bone from your hip and grafting it into your palate to anchor your teeth and nasal cavity. It will fill the gaping hole. They will also close your back palate during the same surgery. This was a miracle to get done! I am going to take some credit and say they through very diligent efforts, Mommy got this approved! I worked my tail off fighting for you!!!! The back palate is your throat. When you make certain sounds, the back palate should close tightly against the back of the throat and yours is still not able to fully close tightly, so we hear lots of air coming out of your nose during those sounds. Your speech has gotten a lot WORSE, but it's because you got a palate expander in January and it's opening up the hope wider and wider to prepare for surgery. You will start orthodontics in January 2017.  It's been a rocky road, and you'll still have a long journey ahead, but it's still a beautiful one. I love you. Now to head back and kiss you and your siblings who are sleeping.

Sleep tight,
    Mommy ❤️

Rejected to accepted - it is not about me.

Month 11 was a magical month. 

All in all, you are adjusting beautifully, but when someone asks me "how is her transition", I don't want to be all "rainbows and unicorns" and not tell the whole truth, but the whole truth takes so much effort and time. So the answer is always "beautifully", because you have. You've adjusted in your perfectly, unique, hard, beautiful way. 

In China, I was rejected. 

Totally rejected in every way I could be rejected. You've always wanted to love me, you just couldn't show it. Or perhaps I was "taking the place" of a mother you had memories with? Either way, I could tell this whole journey that you are happy and know you're loved, but you just couldn't give in to show me.  I would get an occasional kiss or hug, but it was rare. 

That's ok. It really is.

This isn't about me,personally, and I've had to repeat that when my heart sinks in disappointment  over and over.  But it does hurt - I'm human. I prayed you home, I would lie in bed wondering about you to the wee hours of the night, glance to my backseat to really see no one in your seat, but I would "see" a mop of dark hair and almond eyes smiling at me. I worked endlessly on paperwork for nearly a year, etc etc etc, now to be rejected, BUT I just buried it and smiled pleasantly as if nothing was deep inside of me being ripped apart. 

It's not about me. 

Months of ducking when you could tell a kiss was about to come your way, months of leaning far away from me when I had to hold you, months of snuggling with daddy and asking him for everything. Months of hearing "I don't love YOU.. I love BABA, when I had to discipline. 

Months. 

And months. 

And now?

Month eleven. 

The magical, incredible month of May. There's never been a month so beautiful and full of peace and happiness. 

Twelve months of waiting for you to come  into our arms and 11 months of waiting for you to learn to accept my love and give into showing your love, too. Maybe even learning TO love me. 

Who knows? 

Who cares?

It's such a journey full of hard things, but each and every one of us CAN do hard thing with Jesus - we can! 

Today, I am enjoying nighttime snuggles, the words "I love you", asking me to hold you (and closely), lying on ME when you have a head ache, smiles and giggles and "thank you for choosing me". Who else would we've chosen, Joy? It was always you. 

It's a wild ride, but it's always been worth it. 

                                   I love you BIG, 

                                         Mommy

Selfless love

There once was a woman who gave birth to you. Before there was even a heartbeat, she loved you - I know she did. How do I know? She chose life for you. You were born with a myriad of special needs, and she likely knew about them all. She raised you until one day she had to do the unthinkable and place you for adoption. I know her heart was pounding as she pulled up to the orphanage to secretly leave you there. How do I know?  I am a mother.

She took you to a place where she felt you would be safe and taken care of. When I ask you what your belly mama looked like, you give the perfect answer - "she looked like me".  Oh, how beautiful she must be.  I often times wonder if your birthmother loved to sing and that's where you got the joy from music. I also wonder if she crinkles her nose up when she laughs, just as you do. I wonder if she had a great sense of humor and was wonderful at figuring out puzzles in life like you are.  

 

I wonder.

And I wonder.

One thing is for certain... she was selfless. She placed you with strangers so that you would have a better chance to live. She kept you for four years. Four years she raised you and then had to say "goodbye".  She had other choices, ones that make my stomach turn, but she didn't choose those. 
This woman means more to me than I can explain. She held my heart in her belly. She nursed you as a baby. She looked deep into your eyes and had dreams for you. She is the reason you have life, and I get the privilege to teach you how to live it. 

We are a team. 

She is the pitcher that pitched you the game of life and I am the coach teaching you how to knock it out of the park.

She had dreams for you and I get to teach you how to reach them. 

In photos taken shortly after you arrived at the orphanage, all I see in your eyes is grieving.  The picture is so special because it shows how much you loved your "belly mama". You can see it in your eyes.  You were aching with grief. For a long while during our wait, it was one of the only photos we had of you. It was quickly framed in a beautiful frame.  We didn't know you then, only had the photos. When you came home to us, we opened the front door and the first thing I saw was that haunting photo. I hated it. It is special, but oh so painful. It was quickly replaced with another photo and packed away for you to have one day. 

 I remember being on my knees in my laundry room begging the Lord to send me a child and I promised Him I would raise you to know God and to serve Him daily. I take my coaching job seriously, but it's a job I never wished I had to do. When you call upon me and I hear "Mom", I sometimes shudder as I hear it echo throughout my ears and travel to my heart. The tragedy that happened so that I can become your mother is more than I can handle on my own.  Today is the special day before Mother's Day to honor your special birthmother. I pray that she is taken care of and all her needs are met.  I pray that one day she will somehow know that you are becoming healthy and happy, that you are adored and are His child. I pray that she knows Jesus and has a peace that can only come through Him.   I pray she knows that she made the right choice, the heroic and selfless one.  Today, we honor your birthmother - part of your heart.


                                                                                                      With privilege,
                                                                                                                         Mommy

Lullaby

Today was hard. It was a long day of driving in snow for four hours, three doctor appointments, four tantrums, many tears, and a partridge in a pear tree. Anna and I took you to Nashville for your three appointments and it was exhausting to say the least. On the way there you were angry at me for leaving your Pete the Cat books for Eli to read (at Nana's) . That hour was full of tears and "I don't like you, Mama(s)",. You actually said to me "I am so mad at you, I want you to sleep in the bathtub with no blanket tonight"!!!! You followed it with "and I want you to go to the doctor and get a big, long shot"!!!!!!    I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than the bathtub bit after the day we had! I held in the laughter and just kept saying "Joy, that's not kind, but I understand you're angry and I love you to the moon and back".  You followed that with "no moon, no stars, no love". It hurts. It hurts when you get angry and don't realize that no matter what you say to me, I will still love you and you may not fully get that. I think our Father feels that way, too, when we ignore him, curse Him and distance ourself from Him. You will learn with gentle reminders and unconditional love. 

Our Father reminds us that way, too. 

You're still learning how to process your feelings of love and the love that has been shown to you. On the way home from the hospital tonight, you said from the backseat, "Mama, please sing let it go and tomorrow". So, we sang...together. We sang and sang those two songs then you asked for surprises. I started to sing and then asked how you liked it.  After one special song, I realized that I had just sang you to sleep for the first time. On a snowy interstate, with whizzing trucks and strong winds.... I sang you to sleep. . It was the first time you've allowed any kind of comfort to fall asleep. Usually, you say "mama, just go to sleep"... And I giggle,  yet yearn for the chance to comfort my baby. I cried the rest of the way home, looking at you in my backseat, sleeping so soundly. It's such a dream for you to be home; playing with your sweet siblings, hugging your daddy and taking out everything on poor mama. Haha   At each doctor visit, we seem to find big  small miracles that make us realize that you were meant for us after your parents couldn't care for you. Your whole life is a miracle - we keep praying you give Him the glory someday. 

Here is the song that put you to sleep : 

I pray that words are sinking into your heart one word at a time, Joy. We love you!!!  

                     I love you,

                                   Mama

Down in my heart... To STAY

Tonight I got you out of the bath and blow dried your hair. When we were finished you stays in to play with your "soft hair" (you love a good condition). I heard you as I was folding laundry singing "I've got the joy, joy,joy,joy down in my heart.Where!? Down in my heart WHERE!? Down in my heart. I have the joy,joy,joy,joy, down in my heart. Down in my heart to stay.  Then went on to the next verse. I have the love of Jesus, love of Jesus, don in my heart. WHERE!? ... And so on.  

The last verse was to the tune of the same song, but the words were changed. 

I love my Baba and Mama, I'm so happy,  

I'm so happy,  I'm so happy. I love my brothers and my sisters and my family. I am so happy. 

It brought some serious tears. You are learning how to express your love, one day at a time.  We are so happy, too, Joy! You bring Joy in our heart that comes from Jesus. We are so grateful for you. 

No hands But ours

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2016/01/11/saying-yes-beautiful-mess/

This is my recent article on "No hands but ours".  So happy we said "yes", Joy!

The Christmas Season

Since getting out of the hospital Nov 30th, we have come home with two drains draining your bile. We have changed them every four hours around the clock. You are wearing down and sick of them, but handle it with such grace. We hide them under your clothes and not many people realize. Makes me think about how we should extend grace to those everywhere. We don't know what is "underneath" it all. We need to be more mindful of that. 

You are thoroughly confused about Christmas. You told me your first Chrsitmas was last year at your foster group home, where they had a small Christmas tree. 

All those little souls celebrating Jesus' birth takes my breath away. 

This Christmas may be your second one, but there are tons of firsts! You are blown away by wrapped presents under the tree. It is so weird to you. You occasionally walk by and say "what in the world"? You cannot understand this concept. I thought I would let everyone pick out a fun print of wrapping paper to have each child's gifts wrapped in. You chose The Little Mermaid. The kids love to help me wrap the other's gifts. You were not any different, except you wanted to wrap your own. You didn't want to peek, you just wanted to wrap with that Little Mermaid wrapping paper! So, what did I do? We stuck you gift in the paper while you closed your eyes. Put a piece of tape to hold it down and then you were good. You wrapped all your own presents! Haha 

Christmas cookies were fun! Each child made a perfect little Christmas-shaped cookie. We had some mittens, a gingerbread house, gingerbread men, etc. I look over to find you making a perfect Chinese fumpling with your hands, shaping it just the way authentic Jiao Zi would look. I said with a giggle, "Joy!!!! Great Jiao Zi"! You looked at me like I was crazy and said "it's a taco"! Hahahahahah.  Nothing says "America" like "tacos" - for real!!!!!! Hahaha

You love Christmas lights and singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. You love singing Christmas carols even though you make your own lyrics at times!

To the tune of Jingle Bells.... 

"Taco Bell, Taco Bell, taa- a - aaa- co Bell"! Sigh! You love tacos, what can I say.

You sang in your first ever Christmas program at The Dixie Carter Performing Arts Center. 

Your big brother is with you in choir. Also, your beloved cousin, Claudia and friend, Celia. You are making friends well. Who couldn't love you, Joy?  You walked out on stage without your normal confidence.   You held Claudia's hand during the performance. What sweet friends you have!  We talked about healthy friendships today at school and you mentioned your friends from church. They are very treasured by you. Sara always wants to sit with you (and you te same) and Izzy prays for you daily. We are blessed, Joy. 

You love to help me cook. ... Like every single meal. You told me you didn't get to do that in China. So, we cook... A lot. After I cooked oatmeal for breakfast, salads and spaghetti for lunch and roasted Brussell sprouts, mashed potatoes, meatballs, and peas for dinner, you said Baba was the better cook. "Seriously, Joy"? "When has your Baba Ever  cooked? You said "He makes the best chicken nuggets. They're reeeeeeeeally so good".  My one eyebrow went up to my hairline and my eyes pierced through your body. Hahaha. You cut me no slack and your Daddy tons. What can I say..... baba's girl!

          Merry Christmas, Joy!

                   ️Mommy 

CHECK!!!!!

Today was a day I had dreaded for eleven weeks. Dreaded. Worried if I would make it through the day and how.  When your surgeon met us while inpatient in September, he told us everything we needed to know abut your liver surgery. He also told us about the prep we would have to do for surgery. 

The purge. The cleanse. The day that I pictured myself burrying myself under pillows and hiding. 

We are better than that! 

The day started with oatmeal..... Lots and lots of oatmeal. We had a Thanksgiving program that we performed. It was perfection. We made our costumes and you four were cute little Indians.

We left and had to drink the magnesium citrate. Everyone said " she'll never drink that nasty stuff". Well, my dear, you are not "everyone". You turned it up and drank it like the strong girl you are! 

Well, step one... Check!

Next step is to make the appearance of Sprite the biggest event of the year! That was a success since we don't buy sodas. CHECK!

Then we made popscicles out of apple juice. I often make creative Yogart and juice popscicles for breakfasts and snacks, but never tried plain apple juice. Big hit! CHECK!

Next was THE moment. The moment of true hunger at 3pm. I staggered to the kitchen with knots in my shoulders. It was time. Time to make broth the event of the century. I brought out your favorite bowl and we called it "Chinese soup". Chicken broth with a hint of beef broth. I held my breath as I presented it to you. 

What happened next was only God Himself. 

*************SQUEAL***********!!!!!!!!!

"Mama, this is my FAVORITE"! 

Ummmm, ok. So, it was gone after two minutes and your belly was full after an apple juice popscicle! Well well, no hiding under pillows for me!

So around 5 as I was in between piano students for a minute, I whipped up another bowl for you by request. Then, at dinner, you cried. HARD. You were done with "Chinese soup". " Fun while it lasted ", I thought. After you melted down, we all sat at the table with our yummy dinner and let you work it out in your own way. About two minutes later, here you come. Spoon in hand you were ready to defeat this beast. You downed it and was too full for a popscicle again! It was a successful day that the Lord taught me a huge lesson in. Don't worry about to tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.   Prepare and let it go! Speaking of "let it go", I decided to pack "Frozen" for the hospital. Nothing perks you up like Frozen at the moment... So...

Tomorrow is full of good things. The knife is just part of the day, but you will have a healthy liver and  bile duct! You will be the coolest bionic woman ever!   

Love, ️Mommy

P.S. Your Christmas wish has a post coming! You finally told us what you wanted more than anything! 😳

You're the BEST Christmas gift.

Rewind to last Christmas. I was mopey and sad. I felt guilty about that, but yearned to have you home. It hurt with every step I took and every breath I breathed. Half of my heart was in China. 

THIS year is full of such joy! We decorated the tree tonight and are decking the halls!

I wanted to really focus on Thanksgiving more and not confuse you, but because in a week we head to the hospital, we are preparing our home. You have loved learning about Thanksgiving and Veteran's Day for the last two weeks. We have learned all about the holidays and what they mean. You love your little American flag! You are one proud American! Our court house lawn on the square is full of little flags stuck in the ground for Veteran's Day. You squeal as we drive around the square in awe of all the waving red, white and blue. You told me yesterday, "My home, America, is awesome"! Tonight as we decorated the tree, you hung each ornament with such care and made sure it was in the perfect place. 

You also found lots of ornaments that said "joy". I tried to teach you that joy means happiness and Only God can bring us true Joy. It's slowly sinking in.

You have been making leaps and bounds the last couple of weeks with attachment. Usually as I bend down to kiss you, you quickly duck your head. I don't take it personal because I know you've not gotten many, if any, kisses in a very long time. You had trouble understanding our love for you. Now, we are making HUGE strides. As I bend down to kiss you, most of the time you reach up with puckered lips. It makes my heart leap! Last night as we were reading and cuddling at bedtime, you were extra loving. I asked you if I was a good mama. You replied "yes! You are a good mama"! I asked "why? What makes me a good mama?" You said "because your heart". Today, you said "mama, you're a good mama because your heart makes my heart good and happy". You're getting it. Trust is blossoming in ways that only God could grow it. What would we have done without you, Joy Jiao???

                  With love,

                          ️Mommy 

Matthew 5:14

I counted the blankets neatly laid on your bed tonight. There are nine layers, neatly spread atop the quilt that I had initially put on your bed. Many churches have made prayer shawls for you and graciously delivered. Every single one is on your  bed. A blanket that my brother and his wife gifted to you while you were at Vanderbilt is on there. All your special blankets are displayed, not thrown in a closet to be hidden. As we are studying Matthew in school, our verse today was From Matthew 5:14. 

We are to be a shining example of Christ each day and boldly tell of  His love. You are displaying your prized possessions to enjoy looking at them and for others to see the beauty. God does the same thing for us. He made us in His image  and wants others to see the beauty that shines from within us - the reflection of His  love poured upon others. We aren't to be hidden. We are to be a city on a hill shining brightly for all to see. Keep shining, sweet girl. You'll always be my sunshine. The first time I heard about your personality from your foster family they described you as "always being sunshine". Never let your boldness slip through your fingers. 

                                      Shine on, 

                                     ️Mommy 

Beach!

This was your first time to see the ocean. I captured the happiness in your heart and I was thrilled! 

It is your first vacation. It is your first time to smell the salty air, look at the vast ocean that He created, stick your toes in the pure white sand, build a sandcastle fit for a queen, catch creatures in a net, bury your brothers and sister in the sand, swim in a hot tub and pool in the rain at night, see a palm tree, eat shrimp from the gulf, collect seashells and many treasures, crab hunt, see the boats roll in, taste the salty ocean, sleep with the doors open to hear the ocean's roar, watch surfers live, watch the waves at night, feed seagulls from your hand, play many games of Monopoly, eat a record amount of cookies in a day, play the game of Life, sleep with the door open while listening to the waves, jump the waves, see a tropical storm, see the Phenomena "Red Tide", be a mermaid in the sand, make sand Angels, go through a laser maze, and much more! 

We had the most memorable vacation! 

You were very persistent asking if we can swim over and over when we arrived in Florida.....Like every two seconds, persistent. We had to get checked in, unpack, and go grocery shopping (and shopping for clothes for Eli because he forgot his bag!!!!!!!!). It hit me mid-grocery shopping that I never explained we would be there a week!!!!! You had such a relief come over you. You thought that we drove 8 hours to see the ocean and leave!  Day one and two you would stick your toes in the water and run away as the surf would come toward shore. By day 4, you loved the ocean! The tropical storm, Patricia, was there for two days, but we had a blast anyway! It was the perfect break from the sand and sun. We went to see "Hotel Transylvania 2" in the theatre and ran to the car while in thePOURING  rain. We had a blast.

 We returned to the condo and surprised you all with a swimming trip to the pool (heated) and hot tub in the POURING rain! It was a great memory. mama and Daddy stayed in the hot tub! Ha!  You have learned how to swim under water like a pro and you are getting the hang of swimming on top- proud of you!!!!!  Here are some pictures to remember our week! 

Here, you were making me a sand pizza- yummy!

We had the ocean completely to ourselves!!!! 

I would catch you many times just stopping to take it all in! 

This is my favorite!

We have had great family beach pictures with each trip to Florida-Not this year! Why, you ask? I was getting dressed for pictures on the last night at the beach and I walk into the bathroom and find you putting on a face full of make up.

You were also dead set on pink fuzzy socks with your cute beach outfit (the above outfit wasn't your beach outfit) I just gave up. I was too tired. I wasn't as much giving up because of the perfection of the photos, but no one likes taking them. We decided to fore-go the photos and do something we all enjoyed instead. We will have many more beach pictures in our lives hopefully. 

                                 ️Mommy