We started the day with a big breakfast at our hotel. You loved picking out things off the buffet. Your plate was FULL. The first thing you went for was the purple ️sweet potatoes. You ate the skin and all! We ate breakfast with Rhiana and Greg and their newly adopted five year old boys (Two boys!) then we made the three and a half hour drive to Nanyang, your hometown. The morning started off rough. You were grieving hard when you woke up. You didn't cry, but looked very sad. The drive was great. We were in A mini van with our guide, Tina and our very nice driver. Tina is a blessing. She translated all day for us and it was nice. When we arrived at the government building for your passport, we had to wait for an hour for it to open. The food there wasn't safe for us to eat, so we ate snacks that we packed. We got your picture made and papers processed and headed to the orphanage.
It was the most painful moment of my whole life when we pulled up. Either you thought we were leaving you there, you remembered being abandoned there or you had bad conditions there. You became very quiet when we pulled up. We got out and went into the security guards "office" at the gate (which is where you were left two years and two months ago. As you sat on Baba's lap, tears as big as they could get swelled up. I was done. We were leaving inmediately. No way could I stand another second of seeing that. As we were leaving, there were four boys around 10 years old playing cards outside the gate office. They happily said "hey, Jiao Jiao". You didn't reply. Bad memories or nervousness continued . Our precious guide told her that we were taking you back to America after flying to one more city. We would never leave you and we wanted you forever. You cheered up as we drove away.
The whole car ride you made me sit in the back of the van and Baba sit next to you. Our guide explained that you have had many "mamas", but no Baba until now that you can probably remember. I will sit it the back. You reached for Baba's hand for comfort.
We left the orphanage area and the road became blocked off with a protest. We pulled over and the orphanage officer had our paperwork to give to us (took awhile to process some) . She pulled over as she was on her way back to the government building to give it to us and told you to please come back when you're grown to visit. You became so scared again. Our guide, Tina , told you once more that we would never come back to China to leave you. Only to visit and go back HOME. You cheered up again. I think "China" will be too painful for awhile. We won't talk about it until some wounds heal.
Here you are saying goodbye to Mrs Li, the orphanage officer that brought you to us on Gotcha day and helped us with our passport today.
We pulled over in the town you lived and got out to find a bathroom then we talked to the driver and guide on the sidewalk for a bit. You found a balloon on the sidewalk and it made your day. You always want to ride upon Baba's shoulders. always. As we were chatting to them, you leaned in and gave me my first kiss. It was on the lips, but then this one was caught on camera.
My precious angel. You love us, but you are so hurt. China is obviously surrounding us and I think things will look much better after getting home. Before we pulled away, our nice driver told you something about having a good mama (I picked that up) and to sing the song "Mama Hao", which means good mama. I literally prayed you would have never learned that song. Orphans are taught this song in orphanages and I have no idea why. It talks about how good mothers are and that you are nothing without one. I did capture a piece of it on video. It must be a cultural thing, because it is a major song I believe. None the less, it broke my heart all over again.
I cried along with her in the security office... I couldn't hold it back. I think she appreciated seeing how it hurt me, too, I can't believe how much you mean to us. I would choose you a million times more. It couldn't have been anyone else.. It's true! We are headed back to the hotel for Food to be brought to our hotel. Our pool has been drained for the rest of our visit so we are going to a park tomorrow!!! So far, I have learned a lot of mandarin from you and you are learning English well. You know mostly everything we say. You have learned how to count to four, "I love you more", "thank you", " banana", "juice", "bath", "Baba's bed" and a few other things, but I am so tired that my brain is shutting down. I am so happy that you are so smart. More than smarts though, I pray for your wisdom. I also forgot to mention that I conquered the chinese squatty potty but forgot my tissue (public bathrooms don't have toilet paper). It was in Justin's backpack, but I just didn't think to grab it. ...until I went to reach to my left for the roll that is usually there at home! Old habits die hard. It was interesting.... Verrrrrry interesting.
We just finished baths and our meal. You are a hoot! We have cried from grief this morning and cried from laughter tonight. Great progress, little one. You said you want to sleep with Baba tonight! I'll take it.. Anything but that couch! Please don't do that again :(. We have two full beds but the next hotel, we have ONE KING! Ha! YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME! Bahahaha. Watch me be sleeping out in the hall! Haha
Forever and Always,
️Mommy
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